Too serious by the half

Its an old malady of taking oneself too seriously. It is a trait which most of us have including myself and the one thing which I dislike about myself when I am not in that mood. Maybe it is because of too much of reading and too much of apparent knowledge or maybe it is because of spending too much of time alone.

But thankfully sometimes the self becomes too much and occasionally there are periods when one steps out of our miserable little life and look out. It might be triggered by external circumstances (like discovering something good about someone you previously didnt think too highly of) or by internal ones (maybe something snaps in the mind).

They are a beautiful few days then, when one does not care what happens to oneself. When there is no unnatural worry and no fear of consequences. This must be what is called to be 'in the zone'. It is perhaps similar to the detachment of the gita for one is just working and flowing with life. Not fighting with it. There are no expectations and one is just immersed in what we are doing. No thought for the future or the past. Is that a glimpse of nirvana?

But sadly these are very rare few days and after they are gone, there is frustration for having once experienced it one wants it more. Then the realization that perhaps its wanting that made it go away. So another interegnum of waiting and carrying on.

But perhaps the fact that it goes away means that one is not yet ready to accept it and there is a long road ahead and yet the destination can come around the next turn. There is no other alternative but to keep walking.

Addendum 8/2/2006: Recently, I came across this article in the Wikipedia about peak experience. From the way it is described, I think I was having a peak experience back then. How lovely!